February Face

... You have such a February face
So full of frost, of storm, and cloudiness.
Much Ado About Nothing 5.4.41-42

Paul Lewis

From my Shakespearean insults desk diary. February is rather that type of a month and my mood was not lightened by hearing Richard Dawkins on Today as I drove to Leeds this morning. How does such a proudly irreligious man manage to sound so pious and sanctimonious - is this irony lost on him? The more sorry he feels for me in my delusions the more I dislike him. Which is of course irreligious of me but what the hell.

Richard Dawkins

Just one more thing about Dawkins - have he and that whingeing consumerist pile of indignation Paul Lewis ever been seen together because they share the same toe-curling voice. We should be told. As you can see The Overgraduate may have another scoop on its hands here.

But enough of that. My day improved vastly as I sat in a meeting in which people talked honestly about profit, risk and health care without succumbing to liberal hand-wringing. It can be done.

Now has come the time for me to comment on the first two rounds of the Six Nations. Greatest indignation has to be reserved for the avarice which one has to assume led to the France v Ireland fixture being scheduled to kick off at 9.00pm local time in the middle of bloody winter on a pitch which lacks under soil heating. Did you hear why there is no such heating by the way? Apparently because the Stade de France (magnificent, been there) is built on land infested with pockets of methane and it might go up in flames if electricity is introduced. Anyway I now understand the cancellation was the fault of the referee, which rather stands to reason given his nationality - English. Please remember that racism is not racism when practised on the English, merely justifiable payback for centuries of oppression. This is the Gibson-Harinordoquy Law.

Talking of my mate Imanol Harinordoquy, probably the most fearsome thing about the current French team is that as sound a judge as Saint-Andre believes he doesn't need the magnificent beast in his starting line-up. Scary.

Other highlights - the English outlook is not too sunny but there is praise for Alex Corbisiero and that yeoman Englishman Mauritz Botha. Wales were impressive against the Scots (for whom Richie Gray is immense) but I still harbour the feeling that they could get sorted out up front against the French. You have to observe however that not a single Englishman would make that Welsh back line. Wales to win quite comfortably at Twickenham I'm afraid. This is not to condemn the coaches of England - as I observed in the autumn, England really don't have many outstanding players at present and , most frustratingly, one of the few, Ben Youngs, is currently playing like a tart. Not for the want of trying. It seems to be hurting him even more than it does his admirers. To add to the frustration Danny Care is playing the rugby of his life but is banned from England duty for being a piss-head. Is that why I never got a cap? No Dave, that was because you were no bleeding good.

Ireland: any side would miss O'Driscoll. Period. But the Irish have been the instigators of the most effective new defensive tactic - the stand-up tackle. Watch how well Donnacha O'Callaghan does this and thereby creates the turnover. Clever and strong.

Final standings? 1-France; 2-Wales; 3-Ireland; 4-England; 5-Italy; 6-Scotland.