Travelogue VI: Bad Guys In The Supermarket, Good Guys With Guns



CEO of Walmart

Walmart. Bastards. Mas X Menos is the Costa Rican outpost of the evil empire and you should not on any account shop there. Judging by my own highly scientific review of the evidence, the only unpleasant people in Cost Rica all work for this institution. Let us start with the low-lifes who stole my daughter's bag from the bag deposit at the store. Let us be clear, this was not some unfortunate mix-up or administrative error, this was a sweet, little inside job based on the good old-fashioned precept of fleece the foreigner. Steal the bag full of electronic goodies, then play dumb when the gringos complain so that they depart defeated and seeking solace in their travel insurance. Not this time you scumbags. You f****d with the wrong marine.

At a desk laughably labeled 'Customer Service' my requests to call the police were ignored and we were not even told how to go about making a claim for recompense. Nobody would give us their name. But Kevin Gallas and Isobel Romero were wearing name tags so the pair of them get a name check here on The Overgraduate. Thanks for nothing guys, you gutless wonders. Did you get a cut?

The Death Star

From there the story gets better. A lovely tour guide called Ricardo was doing his shopping and came to offer his assistance. A manager from our hotel (the excellent Apartotel Cristina) was equally supportive and we were put in touch with the estimable Jason (named, he told me after Jason Priestley, his mother's girlish crush) taxi driver cum interpreter who guided us through the process of reporting the crime and missed the kick-off of Costa Rica v Bolivia in the Copa America as a result. Last but by no means least we met Carlos the detective who took up the case and despatched two rozzers down to the store to investigate. This shouldn't be cool at all but it is - Carlos had a gun. If nothing else I hope Kevin and Isobel were hugley inconvenienced by the visit from the fuzz. They will hear more of the angry gringo that is the Overgraduate. I wonder if Costa Rica does no win- no fee speculative litigation because I fancy some egregious shit-stirring might suit my purpose here.

Happy ending: Costa Rica 2; Bolivia 0. Pura Vida as we say here at the poolside.